Lessons in Love and Loss: The Legacy of My Beagle Named Cody

My 14-year-old beagle, Cody, died suddenly in my arms on a cold metal table in the back office of a veterinary clinic. I had driven two hours to Columbia, SC, where he was visiting my son in college. A frantic call from my son a few days prior had signaled the urgent trip, and upon arrival, Cody looked drastically different from the vibrant pet I had seen six weeks prior at Christmas.

I had naively thought I was prepared for his passing, especially since he was nearing 15 and had shown no signs of slowing down at our last meeting. The vet gave me a few final moments alone with him, his heart slowing to thirty-four beats per minute. Overwhelmed, I found myself sobbing, gently rubbing his velvety ears and soft, scruffy neck, reminiscing about our lives together.

In those moments, a particular memory surfaced: the day we brought Cody home. My son, merely eight years old at the time, was filled with a mix of disbelief and joy, repeatedly asking, "Is he really ours?" That day, our family had expanded with an unspoken promise of shared adventures and countless memories. Cody's eager eyes and wagging tail had sealed an unbreakable bond, one that had enriched our lives beyond measure.

As Cody's journey with us came to an end, it wasn't just his life that flashed before my eyes, but the entirety of our shared experiences. This dog, the epitome of a happy, hungry, and pack-loving beagle, had been more than a pet; he was a central part of our family's tapestry.

Leaving the clinic without him, I was engulfed by a profound sadness, one that extended beyond the immediate loss. It was a reflection on the countless times I had hurried out the door, too preoccupied to cherish the moments with Cody, who was always eager for my attention. It dawned on me that the depth of my sorrow was tied to these missed opportunities for connection, moments when love was available, but I chose haste over heart.

This realization brought me to a broader contemplation about love and vulnerability. In the face of emotional pain, it's tempting to close off our hearts, to vow never to expose ourselves to such depths of sorrow again. Yet, in doing so, we deny ourselves the essence of living fully. Cody's passing reminded me that the pain of loss is inextricably linked to the capacity to love and be loved.

So, on this Valentine's Day, I extend a gentle reminder to embrace love in all its forms. Tell those important to you that they are loved, not just today but every day. And for those who have built walls around their hearts, consider this an invitation to dismantle them, piece by piece. Love, in its purest form, is worth the risk of heartache.

As I reflect on my time with Cody, I am reminded that while the pain of loss is inevitable, the joy of love is irreplaceable. May we all have the courage to keep our hearts open, to love and be loved, without reservation. My love goes out to each and every one of you, wherever you may be today.

The Real Meaning Behind Being an Introvert or Extrovert That Can Drastically Improve Your Relationships for the Better

I want to share some information with you today that was a gamechanger for me. I’ve actually known about this information for a long time but I shared it with a friend yesterday in passing and he told me the information was so valuable that he was stunned.  He said it explained a number of things about his family dynamics, his divorce, and his current single dating life.  I’ll share what he said at the end of the email.

My intention is that this information will be a gamechanger for many of you also the area of interpersonal relationships. 

The topic is INTROVERTS AND EXTROVERTS

Introvert and extrovert are two commonly used terms in psychology to describe different personality traits and preferences regarding social interaction.

For most of my life, I thought that being introverted meant being shy and that extroverted meant being outgoing.  I discovered the true definition of these terms when my children began having conflict with each other after my oldest child began kindergarten. 

Our family had just moved here from California literally days before my daughter began her first day of kindergarten.  Her younger brother who was fifteen months younger would watch her get on the school bus every morning and rush to meet her at the door upon her arrival home.  He had been home all day with mom and not much to occupy him yet as we were still in the unpacking and setting up house phase. 

Olivia would come in have a snack and then proceed to her room and close the door typically reading or doing something quiet.  Well her brother was not happy about this.  He wanted to play and interact.  And the more he begged for her attention the more they would quarrel and bicker until she started coming home and going immediately to her room and closing the door. It honestly caused my son to act out and even hit her at times because he wanted her attention so badly!

Do you or your spouse or partner have a similar adult experience after a long day of work? Haha!  You know the kind where one of you has been inside in the house all day and the other comes from work and just wants to be alone.  This, for many couples creates resentment or even conflict. Feelings of being devalued or unappreciated can occur on both the side of the one wanting attention and the side of the one just wanting some time and space to decompress before stepping into the parenting and homemaking duties or sharing about each other’s day.

Well, when you understand the true definitions of introvert vs extrovert, you might find that the degree of harmony in your home greatly improves!

An introvert is someone who tends to be more inwardly focused, drawing energy from solitary activities and internal thoughts. Introverts often prefer spending time alone or in small groups. Introverts often engage in introspection and may have a smaller circle of close friends or prefer one-on-one interactions. And the key element that I want to point out to you, dear reader, is that introverts may feel drained or exhausted after extended periods of social interaction. They typically enjoy quiet and calm environments and may require alone time to recharge and regain their energy.

On the other hand, an extrovert is someone who tends to be more outwardly focused, gaining energy from socializing and external stimuli. Extroverts are often energized by being around others and enjoy engaging in social activities. They may be more talkative, expressive, and outgoing, and they tend to seek out new experiences and interactions. Extroverts often feel recharged and rejuvenated after socializing and may thrive in larger social settings or group activities.  And Ironically, they tend to feel more drained and tired when they are deprived of social interaction!

It's important to note that introversion and extroversion exist on a spectrum, and most individuals exhibit characteristics of both to some degree. Some people may fall closer to the middle of the spectrum and are referred to as ambiverts, displaying a balance of both introverted and extroverted traits depending on the situation.

When I learned the nature of introvert vs extrovert, I understood that I had given birth to one of each and that I could make life much easier on myself as a mother and my children if I paid attention to the signs in my children that indicated they were needing to align with their introvert or extravert nature. For my daughter, giving her dedicated time alone after school before chores, homework and playtime made a much happier child. 

And for my son, it meant purposely scheduling more playtimes and outing with friends on a regular basis.  Because honestly, when I didn’t he would become grumpy and pick on his sister more! Things began to improve with him as I taught him, around age six, to understand his own nature. As a result, he began to communicate to me when he needed re-energizing experiences. At times, he would simply inform me by pulling me out of a project and say, “Mom, we need to go somewhere.”  At others, he would say, “Mom, you know how I get when I have been home alone for a while!”  Yes, I did…like a bull in a china shop…. “Yes, I do son.  Let’s go do something!” I would reply.

 ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

The Introvert vs Extrovert Game Changer Knowledge

How many of you said this or hear someone else say this during the lockdowns of Covid-19??  “I don’t mind this at all.  I am perfectly happy just staying home!” In fact, one of my clients told me she was happier than she had ever been in her life.  She works from home as a bookkeeper and got to spend comparatively quiet days with her husband.  

Understanding your own nature as an introvert vs extrovert is vitally important in romantic relationships.  It could be a lynchpin in a healthy, happy. and harmonious romantic relationship.

Introverts may trend towards wanting quiet, alone time when they first return home from a busy day at work. They may choose to take time to do solitary activities away from their partner which is not necessarily an indication of him or her not appreciating, enjoying or loving you.  When you understand this, you don’t have to take it as a sign of rejection or your partner not wanting to be with you as much. 

And when your introvert partner goes to a party with you and after a couple hours says, “I’m done.  I’m ready to go home, it doesn’t necessarily mean he or she is a stick in the mud.  It could mean they’ve simply reached their limit of what feels like enjoyable and comfortable social interaction and are not feeling the call to return home to re-energize.

On the other hand, if you are an introvert partnered with an extrovert, grilling at home and spending quiet nights at home every weekend can literally cause an extrovert to become lethargic, irritated,  and at the extreme sad and depressed.  An introvert who doesn’t understand this may perceive that their partner undervalues him or her and feels jealous or hurt that your extrovert partner wants to spend time out going to a concert or socializing. 

Trust me, extraverts are not necessarily needy. 

They simply re-energize by being around more people and more lively social experiences.

My friend told me that after our conversation yesterday, it explained the conflict between his two children and he believes that it not having this information was the source of much conflict between him and his ex-wife, him being the introvert who wanted quiet and order at the end of a long workday before diving into parenting and interacting.  It also explained why his youngest daughter would never let him sleep in on a Saturday morning.  She would pounce on dad by eight am after she had been up for a couple hours wanting him to play. 

However, he said the most valuable area that the understanding of these concepts was to him currently was with the woman he was dating.  Last Saturday, he wanted a night in and she agreed to come see him after going to hear live music early in the evening.  At first he felt slighted.  Now, he saw her in a different light.  “Oh, she’s definitely an extrovert!  I though her wanting to see the live music before me meant that  I wasn’t that important to her.  Now, I see that she just needed more social interaction than I wanted to involve myself in that night. And actually, when she did come over, we had a fantastic time.”

Conclusion:

If you would like coaching on how to create more harmonious relationships with your children, romantic partner, or spouse,

I offer one hour or ninety minute dedicated coaching only sessions to my clients. 

I am very passionate about helping you to lead a happier, healthier and more harmonious life!

As a Clinical Hypnotherapist and Personal Development Coach with years of experience helping people to make the unconscious conscious. Once something in your life is conscious, that awareness puts you in the powerful position to create positive and lasting change.

Sign up for my coaching sessions today and start your journey towards a healthier, happier you!

IS THE OLD ADAGE "ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS" REALLY TRUE?

With a career spanning 27 years in personal development, I've dedicated myself to uncovering concepts that augment our happiness, health, and prosperity. Throughout this series, I will share the breakthroughs that have shaped my journey, hoping they might illuminate yours too!

Today, we explore an age-old saying that most of us have grown up hearing: "Actions speak louder than words." We've always been told that what we do matters more than what we say. But is this adage universally true? Or is there more to the story?  For myself and thousands of clients, a more important consideration emerged: "In fact, it's more important to control your thoughts."

Decoding this enlightening perspective requires a deep dive into the interconnected realms of actions, words, and thoughts.

Why Do Actions Speak Louder Than Words?

There's an undeniable potency in the phrase, "Actions speak louder than words." It underscores the idea that promises and pretty speeches are worth less than tangible, visible actions. In essence, it is what we do rather than what we say that truly defines us.

In the court of public opinion, actions are our most reliable witnesses. They are tangible, noticeable, and measurable. They are the vivid paintings that illustrate our character in the gallery of life. Our words might suggest we are compassionate, driven, or disciplined, but it is our actions that provide the irrefutable evidence of such qualities.

However, as we elevate our understanding, we realize there is a layer deeper than actions, an uncharted territory that resides within us: our thoughts.

The Power of Thoughts: The Conductor Behind Actions

At first glance, focusing on actions seems more pragmatic. After all, we live in a physical world where material outcomes carry weight. But actions, as powerful as they might be, are merely the surface level manifestations of something much more profound: our thoughts.

Every action is preceded by a thought.

It is our internal dialogue, our mindset, which shapes our decisions and, ultimately, our actions.

Consequently, our thoughts are the architects of our reality.

Think of your mind as the director of an orchestra, with each musician representing an action. Without the conductor's guidance, the symphony transforms into a cacophony. To create a harmonious melody in life, controlling your thoughts—the conductor—becomes vitally important.

Why Control Your Thoughts?

To control does not mean to suppress or resist; rather, it is about understanding, directing, and cultivating our thought patterns.  

Our thoughts are like seeds; what we plant in the fertile soil of our minds determines the fruits we harvest in our lives. Planting seeds of positivity, self-love, intention, and resilience result in a bounty of empowering actions.

It is within this mind-garden that our true potential resides. By controlling our thoughts, we can reshape our beliefs, rewrite our narratives, and ultimately reorient our actions. The actions, which speak louder to the world, will then be an echo of a robust, self-affirming internal dialogue.

In my personal experience, the understanding of how important it is to manage my thoughts came to the forefront when my business had to close for several months during the Covid-19 shutdown. I found myself not only caught up in the collective fear but also fear for providing for myself and my children as a single mother.  It became apparent quickly that my thoughts could work for me or against me.  I took the lockdown time to invest in an online business development program and to begin a more diligent practice of training my thoughts to stay positive.  I perceived my mind to be like a muscle and I strengthened it everyday through challenging myself to focus on and hold thoughts that were positive.  I see it like a challenge for my rebellious self to never let any situation hold me back or down for very long.  And since then….

I tell myself that I will assume and ultimately find the advantage in every situation!

The Call to Mastery

Your thoughts are like the software code that produces your emotions and your consistent actions. Tweaking this code can bring profound changes in your actions and consequently, your life.  

It might sound daunting, but remember, you're not alone in this journey.

Helping people with this is my passion and my expertise.

Mindset coaching can be your ally, your mentor in this journey of mastering your thoughts. A mindset coach guides you to navigate your thought patterns, helping you to recognize limiting beliefs, cultivating empowering thoughts, and fostering an internal environment that promotes growth, resilience, and positivity.

GET REBECCA’S PERSONAL LETTER weekly by subscribing below…

Hundreds of thousands of people call this letter "the highlight of my week."

Rebecca will inspire you every week with real-life motivation ripped from a page of her own life.

Struggling with Impostor Syndrome?

STRUGGLING WITH IMPOSTER SYNDROME?

According to ScienceBC.com, "Impostor Syndrome" makes people work too hard in order to make up for their perceived inadequacy, at the expense of self-care and a healthy work-life balance. Their need for perfection makes them micromanage everything, while also feeling shame for taking so much time to complete the task.

Imposter Syndrome is the result of our childhood IMPRINTING. Childhood influencers can cause a child to take on beliefs like: "I have to be perfect." "My good isn't good enough." "I am not that smart." "I must overgive to feel worthy or to feel justified in asking for money."

These are paramount to be cleared at the subconscious level! A sign this is true for you is that you are aware of the self-defeating thoughts but have not been able to change them (DM me to ask how hypnosis can help.)

If are struggling, affirm:

"I draw to me the clients that can benefit from the skills & experience I have NOW."

It will help you reprogram your thoughts. You will attract a different clientele 1 year from now, 5 years from now and so on...:)

Each of you have unique and powerful gifts to give this world. It's not just what you DO or what you KNOW!

It's WHO YOU ARE... Your care and authentic desire to help is a true gift to a client. It can be more valuable than a seasoned professional who is burnt out and lacking heart in delivering their services.

Much encouragement to each of you!

When the Future is Uncertain, That is Our Time to Co-Create

Many of you are feeling shut in, disconnected, anxious and fearful. Watch this video to give you some ideas on what you can do during this time of self-distancing during Covid-19. My love to each of you watching!

7 Ways to Have Calm During Covid-19

As the founder of the Charleston Hypnosis Center & the American Hypnosis & Coaching Academy, I can say that one of my specialties is helping people manage or overcome stress.  Moreover, in the past decade, the number of clients seeking solutions beyond traditional counseling and medications for deep seated anxiety, depression, and trauma related problems has increasingly grown.

I have been personally challenged to put my professional strategies to the test as I have navigated through loss of a best friend to brain cancer, divorce, children going off to college, and now the Covid-19 pandemic.

For myself, I created a mental arsenal of techniques I could practice, one or more steps I would take every single day for staying on top of my stress.  Because I knew that if I didn’t, it would take its toll on my health, my relationships, my attitude and my success.

Before I Offer My Suggestions…Notice How I Won’t Say Practice Meditation? –

WHY? I am laughing as I write this because one very famous personal development author recommended this to people to start doing during the Covid Crisis.  My first reaction was a big hearty laugh!   Personally, as difficult as the practice is for most people, I was thinking that if you haven’t been practicing quieting your mind regularly, you could be setting yourself up for failure if you try to meditate NOW.  I recently took some Krav Maga self-defense classes.  One of the philosophies is to practice self-defense moves repeatedly so when the real danger comes, your self-defense measures are automatic and second nature. 

If you can meditate already, ABSOLUTELY BE MEDITATING!  If you can’t, practice positive visualization and appreciation instead (See #6 & #7 below). It has the same basic physiological benefits as silent meditation like calming respiration, heart rate and increasing circulation.

Here are 7 Ways to Have Calm Under Stress of Covid-19

1)      Shift from a State of Fear to a Healthy Sense of Caution – This means take action.  Self-distance.  Prepare.  Do whatever you can do to stay safe and keep others safe.  Then, say to yourself, “I did the best that I can do to stay safe and healthy.  Now, I have to let it go of worrying about the aspects I can’t control.  Worrying and staying in fear over the aspects of this pandemic that you cannot control are just creating more stress hormones in your body which can impact sleep, digestion, focus, mood and healthy immunity. 

2)     Speak Gratitude for Your Health – This retrains your mind to focus on the good in your life instead of focusing on your worst fears. Say out loud affirmations like the following, “I am thankful for my health.  I am thankful for my body.  I am thankful for healthy immunity.  I am thankful for being healthy right now.”  Now is the perfect time to focus on appreciation of ALL that you have going that is good in your life including your health.

3)     Acknowledge What You Love About Your Home – Too often we take the basics for granted like our health and our home until something like Covid-19 happens. When we acknowledge what we love, we are focusing on the positive. Do you love your sofa or your bed? Your pillow?!  When you are sitting or lying in them, say out loud, “I love this sofa!  I love my bed!” Do you have flowers growing this spring?  Say, “I love these azaleas, they’re so pretty!” or “These roses are so beautiful!” This goes beyond gratitude.  The mind is programmed to focus on what we concentrate on and what we concentrate on grows in our awareness. 

4)     Embrace Your Emotions – There are no BAD emotions.   It takes a lot of energy and work to suppress stressful emotions.  Cry if you feel like crying.  It’s okay to be angry, just don’t hit anyone or break anything (that’s what I used to tell my kids).  If you feel anxious, remember the symptoms of anxiety are always preceded by an anxious story.  Ask yourself, “How’s that story working for me?”  Then, tell a different one.

5)     Minimize Exposure to the News and Social Media – lf you find yourself more anxious and stressed after listening to the news or reading, go on a news and social media diet. Once or twice a day updates READING the news and scrolling on social media will greatly lower your stress. This is especially true for EMPATHS or Highly Sensitive People. 

6)     Spend Time Focusing on Desired Outcomes – It is very difficult to tell yourself during times like this NOT to worry.  Not to project unwanted scenarios.  The subconscious mind is wired to keep you prepared for the worst and in, simplistic terms, to avoid pain.  Use your downtime to imagine and journal about the highest and best outcome for yourself and your family members through all of this. 

7)     Make Finding the Silver Lining Your Superpower – In the Hypnosis and NLP world, this is called reframing.  Your brain keys off how you think of something NOT on what’s real.  For your own inner calm and for your children, make it a game, then a strength and then your SUPERPOWER to seek the positive in every situation.  Become relentless about telling a positive story about what is happening.

Finally, I am grateful for each of you that have taken the time to read this far.  Let’s all throw up our hands and say a collective gratitude prayer, “Thank Goodness for Toilet Paper!”

Can Hypnosis Help You Get Over Someone?

Is Fear of Flying Grounding Your Chances of Success?

For many people, fear of flying is a problem, especially around the holidays. Some know the reason for their fears yet, others share that the fear seemed to come on over night even after years of flying without anxiety.

Over time, a fear of flying can restrict your career, social life and happiness. Work projects and family events may make flying necessary.

Even though 40 percent of passengers report fear of being involved in a plane crash, According to a 2015 report in The Economist, your chance of dying in one is roughly one in 5.4 million!  By comparison, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the individual American driver’s odds of dying as a result of an injury sustained in an automobile crash (which include pedestrians, bicyclists and motorcyclists involved in car crashes) come out to about 1 in 77 — making it one of the highest-probability causes of death tracked by the CDC.

By contrast, heart disease, the leading cause of death, kills 1 in 4 people, alcohol and drugs kill 1 in 34. 

Unfortunately, rational statistics seldom make a difference for phobias. From a fear of public speaking to flying, our phobias are rarely rational.

Can You Conquer a Fear of Flying?

While it may seem impossible, you can enjoy a calm flight. I have helped many people recover from their flying phobias through hypnotherapy.

“Rebecca, I would like to thank you for everything. With as bad as I was not wanting to fly, with your Hypnosis I had no fear at all. Just like you said. It made it that I could have a wonderful time traveling and not the fear to hold me back. I would recommend you to anyone. Thank you for giving me that back. Plus Italy is awesome. Thanks again.

— — Robert Leonard, Project Superintendent, Mississippi

Sedatives may help but for many it is still extremely stressful during the days and hours leading up to taking the meds and getting on the flight.  Furthermore, medication is masking the fear NOT resolving it.

Like any phobia, a fear of flying is rooted in your subconscious. You may have had a traumatic experience or watched a plane crash. Some of my clients discover that their fear of flying is rooted in a non-related incident that somehow gets connected to flying, for example, like a terrifying experience riding rollercoasters as a child.  Most of the time my clients had no conscious awareness of the root cause of their fears and phobias but with hypnosis, they are able to quickly identify the root cause.

Whatever the cause, even if it is irrational, your subconscious mind has created the fear trying to protect you. It associates flying with danger. Thus, the fear is created to keep you away from flying.

How I Overcame My Fear of Flying

Personally, I used hypnosis to overcome a paralyzing fear of flying.  My fear was triggered by one of the most prominent events in airline history.  I was scheduled to be on American Airlines Flight #77 that crashed into the Pentagon on 9/11/2001.

American Airlines Flight 77 was a scheduled American Airlines domestic transcontinental passenger flight from Washington Dulles International Airport in Dulles, Virginia, to Los Angeles International Airport in Los Angeles, California.  I would have been seven months pregnant with my son and traveling with one year old daughter.

Like many other people have reported after the 09/11 incident, I had a strong intuition that told me to not only change my flight but change the date AND the airport from which I was flying. 

On the day of the tragedy, I believe I went into some kind of shock as the full realization came to me that I was scheduled to be on one of the downed planes.  I was terrified to fly.  When I did fly, I was paranoid about the passengers on the plane.  I would break out into a sweat.  My heart would race and I felt claustrophobic. 

Using some of my own hypnosis techniques on myself, in less than a month, I was flying comfortably again.  This is typically a three step process that I have used for years to help thousands of clients suffering from all types of fears and phobias.

Hypnosis Helps Overcome Fear of Flying

Hypnosis is a highly effective way to feel comfortable while flying. To conquer your fear, you must address it. Hypnosis helps you to identify and clear what triggers that fear in your subconscious. Hypnosis helps to re-message the mind so that you are no longer afraid. As a result, you can escape from the panic and fear associated with it.

Most of my clients are flying comfortably in one to two sessions! If you would like to get help overcoming a fear of phobia, reach out. Virtual sessions work perfectly for this problem. I can help you from the comfort of your own home or office.

Don't Let Fear of Failure Hold You Back!

CEO of Spanx, Sara Blakely, Shares Her Thoughts on Failure.

So many of my coaching clients discuss their fear of failure. Some are immobilized to take desired action from fear. Others from perfectionism. When I watched Sara’s video for the first time, I was inspired that she grew up with such a positive mindset around failure. Mindset drives our behaviors, our reponses, everything! Watch and get inspired!

Rebecca's Workshop Featured in Firefly Sisterhood

Firely Sisterhood has written an article which features her work with breast cancer survivors.  Rebecca is the creator of "The Mermaid's Journey" an empowerment workshop series specifically created for breast cancer victims as part of a rejuvenation experience sponsored by Send Me On Vacation, a non-profit organization.

What is it about mermaids that has us mesmerized?

Their long, undulating tails as they glide effortlessly through the water? Their gorgeous hair and beautiful voices? The mythology, legends, and lore that surround them? Whatever it is, mermaids have captured our attention in books, movies, TV shows, and even making appearances at our very own Minnesota Renaissance Festival!

For a woman who has experienced a breast cancer diagnosis and treatment, a mermaid may be the absolute LAST possible thing she would compare herself to....

Checkout full article here...

Empowering Women to Empower Themselves

The following is a guest contributor:  Jennifer Nelson, Breast Cancer Survivor from Port St. Lucie, FL.  She is a recipient of The Mermaid's Journey Empowerment Vacation.

"Eight a.m. meetings for breast cancer survivors on a cruise? Are they serious?" I thought to myself.  I was not looking forward to this experience. On the first day, I did not know what to expect. Was she going to hypnotize me? When the sessions started, the first thing I noticed is that Rebecca Shaw made me feel safe to share my feelings about surviving breast cancer. She transformed my mind from thinking as a dying fish caught on a hook to feeling like a mermaid gliding through the waters of a tropical island…and it was through conversation about our lives!

In only three half day workshop sessions, I learned to meditate for ten minutes a day. I realized this did not replace my prayer time. It is time spent visualizing and focusing on positive thoughts. One of the mindfulness techniques Rebecca taught me was how to place a light around me that when negativity is around me, it bounces right off of that light. I can now send back positive energy. I know it works because as soon as I got back home from the cruise, a friend of mine was complaining and speaking negatively. I told him I cannot have this type of stress and if it continued, he would have to leave. He left. However, early the next morning, he apologized to me and then I asked the golden question I was taught to ask instead of giving advice, "What are you going to do?” He reached a solution on his own. It was a winning match due to Coach Shaw!

The workshop also helped me to overcome fears. For example, I had a fear of swimming in deep water. One day on the cruise, Rebecca, my roommate and I went snorkeling. I was nervous but they convinced me that I could do it. I went way out from the land into the middle of the ocean. However, for some reason, I started panicking and started screaming for help as I drank salt water. Rebecca calmly came over to me. She spoke soothing words as they sent a boat to get me. I don’t think I would have made it without her. She obviously lives what she teaches. Peaceful, calm thinking can save us from sinking in life!

Overall, this trip and the seminars changed my life. I now feel empowered! When we were transformed to look like mermaids on the island, the positive conversations and visualization of my mermaid we discussed helped me to glow during my photo shoot.

Thank you for helping me recognize my inner and outer beauty Rebecca Taylor Shaw.

By the end of the trip, I was running to each seminar. I think I was the first person there everyday. I wish I could take Rebecca home with me! However, in three days, she left us with enough tools to make it and survive in any situation, especially in battling breast cancer. Rebecca’s last words to us were to affirm daily… "I am awesome, I am blessed, I am an overcomer, and I am grateful!" That is what I am! Thanks to Send Me On Vacation and Rebecca Taylor Shaw!

Empowered Communication: How to Do Thanksgiving Dinner without a Side of Drama

It seems like almost every year, Hollywood comes out with a movie that portrays the humor and sorrow of families coming together over the holidays.  Chances are if you are participating in a family gathering you’ll be interacting with one or more people with whom you don't see eye to eye. 

There are very artful and diplomatic ways to respond to the difficult people in your life.  

Here are a few empowered communication tips to help you enjoy a more harmonious holiday experience with friends and family. Try one or more of them next time you get into a heated discussion with someone or when someone is criticizing you.

Tip #1:  Disengage or Duck.   

In Dale Carnegie’s bestselling book on success, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” he asserts, “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it."  The idea is that even if you think you've won the argument, you haven't if one or both of you is left feeling negative.

Have you ever met anyone that loves to argue?  Someone who will “beat the proverbially dead horse” and go on and on until they’ve convinced you to agree their side of the argument?  When you find yourself in an uncomfortable discussion, disengage if the conversation gets heated.  This means, just observe.  Listen but say nothing.  

Moreover, don't defend yourself unless you absolutely must. 

"Many adults are like grown children. They love to argue," says Psychoanalyst, Dr. Aaron Lederer, a child specialist on defiant children and author of "Taming the Wild Child." "Certain children and adults, for that matter, will continue to argue as long as you are responding to their statements.  Because in their minds, they think that as long as the conversation continues, they have a chance to win," he explains.

He suggests that if you can't disengage, duck out.  Excuse yourself from the situation.  Make a phone call. Go walk the dog... Or the cat.

Tip #2: Agree with the TRUTH

Instead of defending, explaining or justifying, which simply hands the other person more fuel to disagree or attack, instead, agree with the person. 

Look for points in the conversation where you are in agreement with what he or she is saying.  When it's the truth or your truth, repeat that part back and agree truthfully. 

Here’s an example. 

Imagine, your brother in-law is complaining. He’s angry that his candidate didn’t get elected.  You can authentically commiserate, “I agree. It was a very stressful election!”  You don’t have to tell him you voted for the other candidate. 

Tip #3. Agree with the POSSIBILITY

Instead of defending yourself, your point of view and pointing out what you disagree with in their logic or assertion, agree that whatever the person is saying is possible.  Just say, “That's possible.”

Here’s how it works….

“Global warming is not really a problem.”  That’s possible.

“Kids these days.  They act so entitled.”  That’s possible.

I mean if you REALLY think about it, anything is possible!  The earth could shift on its axis tomorrow and there would be no more Thanksgivings.   It's possible.  I PROMISE this technique will avert arguments, stop the other person in their tracks and what’s more. . . . They will feel heard.

Tip #4:  Acknowledge Their Point of View

When you acknowledge another person’s point of view, you may do yourself the favor of saving time and energy.  Once the person feels heard, acknowledged or validated, they move on. 

To do this, acknowledge their point of view by saying, “That’s an interesting perspective,” or “That’s an interesting way to look at it.”   When you use this type of response, the energy you're giving the person is open instead of defensive.    You will be surprised how often that this simple statement, curtails the conversation.  

Tip #5:  Thank the Person for Caring

Use this if someone is criticizing you.  Typically, a parent or "loving relative."  To do this, listen to the critique.  Don't defend. Wait until their done and say, “That’s sweet how much care."

I know what some of you are thinking right now.  “There's no way I can say that without sounding sarcastic!"

You've got to try this one.  When you say it sincerely, you've artfully ended the conversation without agreeing or disagreeing with their criticisms.  Done. Conversation over!  

In my coaching sessions, I teach empowered communication skills for successful leadership.  Once, I was coaching a client named Nicole for some job situations and she happened to mention she had a very critical mother.  She ended up using this empowered communication with mom.  Some of you may relate to her story…. 

Nicole was at the Thanksgiving gathering with several other family members sitting around before the big meal.  It was at that precise moment that Nicole’s mother began to publicly criticize her hair color, “Is Sarah down at Tresses still doing your hair?  You know I don’t really think she’s that good.  I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while that your hair color isn’t flattering.  You really need to do something about it.” 

When Nicole’s mother stopped expressing her “motherly concern,” members in the room looked at Nicole and held their breath. 

Speaking with a smile and genuine sincerity, she replied, “Thanks mom.  That’s so sweet how much you care.”  Then, she changed the subject.  Her mother straightened up, smiled, and seemed satisfied and the conversation moved on.

Personally, I've used this one many times and it always works.  Step into your highest self. Acknowledge the other person’s point of view with sincerity.  I promise you will feel in control. You will not feel like you are giving in -- it will empower you.  Best of all, you will be perceived as more confident and powerful.

Tip #6:  Play Adele!

Here’s where my sense of humor comes in.  I give this last suggestion jokingly but if you like to laugh, check it out!  SNL did a skit about Thanksgiving conflict.  A family and their friends are sitting at the dining table and several family members begin verbally attacking each other.  Several times the heated discussions reach a peak. The little girl runs to the boom box and plays Adele.  Watch what happens!

The skit is really more than funny, it makes a very insightful observation that oftentimes what we criticize in others, we are disowning within ourselves. Watch closely and you will see how they artfully make the point!

My gratitude towards each of you is that you took the time to read my advice.  Thank you!  I hope each of you have a great holiday season! Don’t take anything personally! And remember to smile!

There's only one thing that can keep a family (Beck Bennett, Jay Pharoah, Cecily Strong, Aidy Bryant, Matthew McConaughey, Kate McKinnon, Vanessa Bayer) from fighting at Thanksgiving: Adele.

Empowering Your Mind to Create a Breakthrough

One of the most popular complaints I hear from potential clients is that they feel stuck.  It's that situation where you cognitively KNOW how you want to be thinking and behaving but it's just not happening.  There's a big disconnect.

Maybe it's getting up an hour earlier to work on your book or exercise.

Maybe it's that diet you've wanted to start or the bad habit you know you need to end.

Maybe it's the unhealthy relationship you've been in and you know it's what you want but you can't quit the person either.

These undesirable patterns can painfully go on for months, even years.  Overtime, they zap your energy, your motivation, your productivity and most of all your confidence.

And it's not for lack of trying....I can’t tell you how many times someone comes to me complaining their stuck and they have spent hours, months, even years…. reading, researching, seeking advice from experts only to keep spinning their wheels without a breakthrough.  

That’s because logic often falls short when it comes to solving a problem. 

For those of you who have worked with me for a while, you may know that my sessions are very different than anything else you’ve tried.  Why?  Because, I have a unique and rapid system to break the "stuck" patterns which I call a Whole Brained Problem Solving. 

And it’s not just something I use.  It’s something I teach. 

You know that old idea of giving someone the fishing pole not just the fish? 

Here’s how it works…

First, I use a coaching technique to hone in within minutes and readily identify the limiting beliefs and thought patterns that are holding you back.  That’s the left brain part.

Second, I pull out the big guns:) 

I use an arsenal of right brain, creative problem solving techniques including hypnosis, introspective imagery, NLP, and even regression work to go even deeper and find the hidden roadblocks that are holding you back.  The ones that you might never discover otherwise because they are not logical.  They wouldn’t seem to be related at a conscious level.

Frequently, this is the missing piece for people.  (Or I could say “missing peace.”)

The result …..

(COACHING + HYPNOSIS)

(LEFT BRAIN PROBLEM SOLVING + RIGHT BRAIN PROBLEM SOVLING)

= ACCELERATE BREAKTHROUGHS!

Often in one hour, you’ve made a breakthrough after struggling for years. 

Whole Brained Problem Solving occurs when you employ both left brain and right brain problem solving techniques in one session.   The two approaches combined created a synergistic effect which leverages your results over time when you receive custom recordings for reinforcement.

To sum up, Whole Brained Problem Solving is at once a powerful coaching method, an introspective, creative problem solving practice and a pathway towards rapid breakthroughs.

Whatever prompts you to explore this experience — from anxiety to overcoming a habit to personal & relationship development to spiritual growth —  Whole Brained Problem Solving as an ongoing practice can support rapid change as well as positive and lasting shifts. 

Moreover, Whole Brained Problem Solving gives you an edge in life and in business. 

So if you want to be more successful, you’ve got to start using Whole Brained Problem Solving and give yourself an inner advantage over your competition.

If you have any questions about how Whole Brained Problem Solving might enhance your life or give you an edge, please let me know.

And speaking of time… A shift in our experience of time is part of what happens through the Whole Brained Problem Solving. This is clearer in experience than from words, but I’ll try to offer a glimpse.

In each of the Whole Brain Problem Solving sessions, something quite fundamental shifts in how we experience the world, and who we experience ourselves to be. As part of this, our way of experiencing time itself shifts. And this is one of the reasons why the method tends to naturally dissolve our unhealthy emotional reactions, and other “stuck” patterns. (To have an emotional reaction, we have to code cause and effect in a certain way through time. When this crumbles our emotional reactivity dissolves.)

The more I practice Whole Brain Problem Solving, the more I experience an ability to be in the moment. Perhaps, that’s because it has allowed me to perceive a stronger sense of control over my experiences and a greater confidence in myself to handle whatever life throws at me. 

If you are feeling stuck with something or looking for an edge, contact me and let’s explore what this work could unlock and unleash for you!

Like this article? Please like and share it above on Facebook or below with Twitter, G+, Pinterest, Tumblr.  Thank you!

Empowering Yourself to Get Unstuck!

It's actually not that hard to create a life that's really flowing, full of love and energy.

At one point, my life used to be a real struggle. I had inherited that "farmer" mentality from my parents and grandparents who grew up on dairy farms in the South. I believed that if I wanted to achieve anything of real value, I had to work hard and struggle for it. I'd get upset when things weren't the way I thought they were supposed to be.  I'd get down on myself if I wasn't pushing, pushing, pushing to get ahead.

I know now that life doesn't have to feel this way. And it's actually pretty easy to turn things around. All it requires is willingness. The willingness to look at your thoughts and beliefs and a willingness to admit when they aren't supporting you in greater levels of peace and happiness.

When I developed a debilitating bout of chronic fatigue when my children were toddlers, I had to give up the struggle.  I had to stop beating myself up and feeling guilty for not being Super-Mom, do it all, successful biz owner.  I got humbled and I had to let people help me. 

I had to draw stronger boundaries with my time and my commitments.  I had to even take things off my plate that I enjoyed when my body told me to rest. 

What was most infuriating is that the doctor told me, “We don’t really know what causes chronic fatigue.  Frankly, there’s no cure for it.”  It's the most obvious, logical thing in the world when a doctor tells you, there's no cure your illness to believe it. I felt stuck.

The turning point in healing from my chronic fatigue came with two MINDSET breakthroughs.

First, this "good" girl got defiant! 

Which meant I refused to believe that I was stuck with the chronic fatigue - mystery illness!  I kept affirming to myself, "I am drawing to me, the people and circumstances that I need to get healthy and well again." 

Let’s be clear.  This is not a DOING, PUSHING, STRUGGLING action. In fact, it is the opposite.  It’s a MAGNETIC pull using the power of the creative mind to draw to me what I need by visualizing the intended outcome and allowing my subconscious mind to work on the solutions while my conscious mind is busy doing other things. 

Second, the solution to healing was not a body thing.  It was a mind, body, spirit thing!  So I changed my sleep patterns.  Then, I used hypnosis to clear the stressful emotions and wounded spirit that were connected to my dis-ease. 

These two mindset shifts were the lynchpin.  Draw to you your solution.  Address the problem on all levels of body and mind.

Next time, you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed.  Ask yourself, what am pushing for or against?  Must you struggle?  Or can you shift your mindset to support you in success with more grace and ease?

Try it.

1)  REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOU ARE STUCK!  Because the minute you do that, you will stop looking for solutions and your subconscious mind which is a wealth of information and resources far beyond the conscious mind will stop as well.  Just tell yourself, "I don't know the solution at the moment, but I will find it or I will meet someone who can help." Or use the affirmation I used above.  Your subconscious is far more resourceful than you can imagine, it works on solutions in the background while your conscious mind is busy doing other things.  That's why a name you've forgotten will pop in later or long after the test is over, you recall the information you thought you had forgotten.  If you come to rely on this ability to use your subconscious for problem solving, it will enhance and become a source of confidence and wisdom for you.

2)  OPEN YOUR MIND TO SEE ALL ASPECTS OF A PROBLEM.   Many times when you are stuck, it is because you are not addressing your problem from a whole brain perspective. Put bluntly, sometimes analysis and logic is not enough.  Oftentimes, there are hidden factors contributing to a problem whether they be emotional, unconscious, hidden mindsets or belief patterns.   If you have a health issue, consider if stressful emotions are playing into the illness or disease.  Also consider the possibility that the illness provides a payoff or gain for you on deeper hidden level. I worked with a client who had migraines for years.  Through hypnotherapy, she discovered that they served the purpose of giving her an excuse to stay home from work, a job that she had grown to hate.  Once she became conscious of this, she chose to quit her job!  No more migraines. 

Years ago, I quit engineering to make it my mission to help anyone who feels stuck.  If I can help you, I would be honored to do so.

Meanwhile, sending you much light and love.  The world needs your unique talents and light.  You are meant to #makeadifference

Like this article? Please like and share it above on Facebook or below with Twitter, G+, Pinterest, Tumblr.  Thank you!

3 Reasons You Should Take More Vacation Time

Grand Mayan Pools at Riviera Maya, Mexico - Empowerment Retreats

I decided last year that I was committing myself to more vacation days.  And can I tell you how HARD that was for me?  Way more than you would probably guess as I am not one who likes to be in debt.  

Owning a business where I provide services has always meant, when I don’t work, I don’t get paid.  So vacations were always something to really think twice about.  Interestingly, according to two separate surveys by Forbes and a national market research firm, even most Americans who are given paid vacation by their companies don’t take all of it.  Here are 3 reasons, I decided to commit to it and why I think you should as well.

Reason #1 for Taking More Vacation Days:  Self-care.  You hear this buzz word quite a bit lately.  It’s funny that many people have a hard time taking 30 minutes out of their day for exercise because there’s always some house chore to do that seems to take priority instead.  Or, if you are like me and you own a business, there’s always something you could be doing to manage or grow your business.  However, when you are on vacation, the laundry, the dishes, and your business are far away.  No excuses to relax, get moving, and have fun!

Reason #2 for Taking More Vacation Days:  Make Happy Memories with Your Kids.  I vowed a couple years ago after my best friend died  that I would spend less money on gifts and more time taking vacations with my family.  I don’t think my two teenagers could tell you what they received for Christmas in 2014, maybe not even what they received this past Christmas of 2015!  However, they do remember very vivid details about our trip to Bryson City, North Carolina, three summers ago, where we rented a cabin by a stream and went tubing and white water rafting.  I hope my kids will have an arsenal of happy vacations in their minds and hearts by the time they go to college.

Reason #3 for Taking More Vacation Days:  Defying Fears Around Money.  I stopped working nights and weekends several years ago when I realized that the only reason I did was because I was in fear around money.  I needed to stop telling myself a “lack” story and believe that the money would come without sacrificing my health and my values for family.  Now, nights and weekends are for family.  Period.   

Then, in the past year, in addition to family vacations,  I have donated four weeks of my time to my favorite charity, Send Me On Vacation. I travel out of the country to perform emotional healing and recovery workshops for breast cancer survivors.  By refusing to worry about what missing a month from work would do to my business bottom line, I have gained so much more… including experience in performing workshops abroad, on cruise ships, and the extremely nourishing and WONDERFUL opportunity to make new friends during each week that I have spent on those trips!

Interestingly for me, whenever I come back from a vacation, I have a so much more energy for my business that it seems to act as a catalyst to bring in more income!  

I would love to hear your thoughts about this article.  Thanks in advance for sharing and I hope your summer is filled with laughter, sunlight, time well spent on vacation making many good memories.

Like this article? Please like and share it above on Facebook or below with Twitter, G+, Pinterest, Tumblr.  Thank you!